i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
