I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
