The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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