at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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