I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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