I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
