So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
