My liver just broke up with me...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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