I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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