Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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