dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
