watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
