Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
