Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
