He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
