Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize