You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
