The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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