I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
