just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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