speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
