You're my little dorito
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
