I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drake has all the answers
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
