Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
