i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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