So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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