oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everyone says I win the strip club
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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