Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
