mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
