flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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