I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
