Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
