Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
