Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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