he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Found the puke drawer
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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