"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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