I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
