If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
