I wannas sexs uuuuu
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize