have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
