just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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