How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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