Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
