Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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