I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
