YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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