the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
