Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
