So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
