You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
