At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
