I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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