My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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