oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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