we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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