I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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