Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
