True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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