It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
