you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize