So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
