The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
