I am full of burrito and curiosity
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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