Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
