And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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