you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
