Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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