He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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