so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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