your room smells of hookers.
And success
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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