Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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