not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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