last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
