I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
