I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
