We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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