One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
