she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
