he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He did a backflip because drugs
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