its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
