The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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