My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
