Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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