I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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