I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
