If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
