Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
me + whiskey = a bad person
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
