Apparently you make a good broom.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
