I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
