I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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