I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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