I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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