Just fell off a train. Bad.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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