My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
