I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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