I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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